The Goddess Bunny

Okay I have to take a break from this whole "Naylah cromagnon girl" thing to show you this amazing (or disturbing, depending on your taste) video. It's someone with polio crossdressing and tap-dancing!!! HOW COOL IS THAT?????! :P

April 2, 30,000 BC
Geoffrey and I were sitting on the ledge of our
cave. I had been given a strange thing made from a CAVE BEAR FEMUR!!!!
"You play shaman flute," said Ungi, handing the thing to me.
"Uhhh...." I said, "What do I do with it?"
"You no know?" Said Ungi. She seemed very kind and motherly about it. "You no know? But I thought you shaman! YOU NO SHAMAN!! LEAVE! AND TAKE CAVE BEAR WITH YOU!!"
So the neanderthals had cast me out. This is fantastic. However, I didn't wait a second complaining and weeping, like I usually do - I grabbed my hide parfleche and started out for new beginnings - or new ends - or - whatever.
On my quest back home, I took a slightly different route. This route was a little more scenic, but it took longer and I had a greater probability of losing my life. Ah, well.
However, luckily Geoffrey and my most interesting experience by far our accidental stop at an encampment near a great floodplain by the Great River,.
"Hello there, lady," Said some fellow, emerging from a hide tent. He was obviously hitting on me.
"Hello lady," He said again. This time he caught my attention. A Burial Ceremony was taking place(pictured right) At their encamapment - this seemed like a pretty bad time for someone to be flirting with me. But still, he touched my heart. I smiled at him.
"So... how's it... AAAAAH! sHE HAS A BEAR! eVErY mAn FoR hiMsELf!!!"
All of the tribe turned and stared at me for a moment, then fled into their tents like bats out of hell.
This was the reaction I expected. I was about to move along, when...
"Hello there, my lady," said the same guy, approaching me with caution. "You must be a shaman! Well, my sincerest apologies for treating you with such disrespect. You had better lodge with me... in my hut..."
"I, uh..." Just as I tried to think of an excuse to leave, he took me by the hand and led me to his hut.
"My name is Sharmano. You should meet our shaman, girl. You'd just love him. And follow us north for the mammoth hunt. What a lovely shaman lady you are."
And thus,
I have gotten myself into another trap.

WAAAAH! i WANT A MATE!!!

March somethingith 30,000 BC
Life with the neanderthals is okay... Being a shaman really has some downsides - especially when you're being one for another species! But other than that... Something feels empty, like it's missing...
I miss my mate.
There. I said it. I miss that pompous idiot who thinks he can make a decent awl out of antler. What a fool I must be!!! I even miss Hilga... I miss my mother, my father and my stupid siblings. I miss my clan. I miss my cave. I miss the lean-tos. I miss the caches full of meat. I miss the pictures of horses on the wall. I miss the pictures of ibex on the wall. I miss the pictures of aurochs on the wall. I miss the pictures of -- well, I think you get the point.
Geoffrey tried to eat some neanderthal baby today while his mother chewed on a hide. She didn't care, because I'm the shaman and he's my shaman bear, but I saved the whining little thing. I never really liked babies - cromagnon nor neanderthal.
Then, Ungi explained to me with the utmost graciousness what shaman/medicine woman had to do with their lives.
"Medicine woman heal. Use plants. Use splints. Use first aid kit. No. I kidding. But do use plant and splint. Shaman lead ceremonies. I medicine woman. You partial medicine woman, but mostly shaman. Shaman sing. Shaman yell. Shaman cover body in ochre. Shaman lead ceremonies. Shaman no have mate."
She basically lost me right there. I think neanderthals don't have amorous feelings for each other, but I NEED A MATE, MAN!
I've got to find a way outta here! I'M GOING MAAAD!

I am a shaman!

March 25, 30,000 BC


Today Geoffrey and I arrived at the aforementioned neanderthal cave, and boy, do I have a story to tell!!!


So Geoffrey and I wandered through forests, sands, steppe, etc to get here. I mostly just went west of the steppe I had been hunting on in my first entry, but I didn't find it before I had a wild encounter with a mammoth! Oh, great.

So, I had nearly made it through the sagebrush, when Geoffrey started acting up.

"Quit being a drama queen, Geoffrey," I said, but he just made more bear noises.
"You want some food?" I said irritably. "Here, take this squirrel meat. Oh, come on - just---- ohh... holy..."
I then realized that before us stood a big mighty mammoth matriarch.

"Hey there, lady," I said, offering her some grass. I gestured for Geoffrey to get moving while I distracted the mammoth. Geoffrey got the message, and lumbered to the west as I jumped around like an idiot, making shamanesque hooping noises. I threw the grass at the mammoth's trunk, and she caught it with incredible eye-trunk coordination.

"My lady, you look very fine today, but I'm afraid I must... DEPART!!!" I went running as fast as my akward legs could carry me across the steppe... until I reached a hill where my dear Geoffrey was waiting for me.

"Oh, Geoffrey!" I cried, embracing the cub. "Now, where's that caa...."

"You, girl," called some neanderthal woman, descending a hill. Her long, windblown matted hair framed her face like some sort of spirit. "I am Ungi. You shaman. You help. You make medicine woman. Noises you make - good noises."

I'm not certain, but I think she was referring to that horrible hooping and hollering I was making when I was distracting the mammoth.

"Cave Bear. Why you have bear?" She continued.

"I have bear because... He.. uh... follow me in forest." I answered, hoping Geoffrey wouldn't try to rip her flesh off.

"I take you to cave. We give bear food. We make you shaman. We make bear shaman. You eat."

So the neanderthal woman took me to her cave, which was a pretty good distance away. But it was worth it, because there I saw the same neanderthal guys who had saved me from the cave lion. My quest was over!

"Uh... I better keep Geoffrey outside..." I said, taking some sinew out of my horseskin bag.

"No. Bear shaman. Bear go in cave. You have shaman innitiation."

The shaman innitiation was... interesting.. They put a hood on my head with antlers, made me take my clothes off and covered me in ochre. Then, that night we had mammoth meat and Geoffrey and I got first pick. Ya know... I could get used to this!!

I, Naylah go to the Cave of the Obscure Neanderthal Guy

March 13, 30,000 BC
So, I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I really wanted to go to the neanderthal cave because I had gone crazy. I hate my life. Did I already mention that?
I said goodbye to the shaman, and before he could give me his shpeel about how the spirits would hate me for doing so, I left with the buisness card, and more supplies than was reverant.
I trekked across forest, steppe and meadow. There was a rainbow in the sky. (I hate it when things make you want to be happy.) Then, when it got dark the first day I set up a wigwam in the woods to retire for the evening. I even started a fire with the handrill.
"Lets see..." I muttered, "Large Cave close to coniferous forest? Well, they came from the west of the steppe... Uuuhh! I'm just going to go to bed -"
At that moment, one of the greatest things that has ever happened in my life then occured. Some lonely cave bear cub came lumbering toward me - good thing it wasn't an adult. *shudders.* I wondered where it's mama was? My stupid to-be mate probably killed it.
I, being the stupid idiot I am just gave it a bunch of horse meat, and miraculously it didn't eat my arm till the bone was showing, although it did try to nip at my fingers. Maybe I am shaman material! Maybe I have special power over animals!
"Okay, baby bear go away now," I said in my stupid coaxing voice, but it didn't want to. So now I'm stuck with this bear, I thought. Well, I guess I'll just have to be a shaman and deal with my Speshul Power. I named him Geoffrey, and from that point on, he was to become my traveling companion.

My stupid Cavemates

March 11, 30,000 BC
Ya, so anyway I was hanging out with Hilga, who is some girl in my clan. She says she's my friend, but I hate her, like most everyone else.
"Heeey, hey hey Naylah! Look at my necklace! Look at this hide! I tanned it myself! Look look lookety looky! I made a loincloth type thingy! They're all the rage now, you know. But I can't really wear it cause its cold when its not summer, you know blablablabla..........
Then my stupid to-be mate started bragging about how great he is at hunting and about how great he is at everything.
"Yeah, so I knapped this flint clovis point the other day and all these girls from another tribe wanted to be my mate, and I said, 'sorry, but I've already a mate.' I said it with reluctance, because some of them, or actually probably most of em were prettier than you."
I was relieved when he and the fellows went hunting. I painted new pictures on the wall with some really beautiful red ochre I found on The Mammoth Plateau. But then some of it spilled out of the bowl and stained my best hide.
"OOOHHHH..." Said Hilga. "That'll take a while to get out."
Well, at least I still have that buisness card. All is not lost, Neelah - all is not lost.

I, The real Smart Cro Magnon Girl (Naylah) Go hunting on the steppe

March 9, 30,000 BC
So anyway, today I was hunting on the steppe with my handy dandy spear, when out of nowhere, this cave lion just came sauntering toward me. I really didn't wanna die this way, cause when I died, by the time my clan found me I would be all decomposing and no one would want to touch my body and put mammoth ivory jewelery on it and bury it. But anyway, that cave lion was just about to kill me, when conveniently some random neanderthal (those are pretty scarce) came around with a few of his friends. He was really handsome. Like some Byronic hero from 29,000 years into the future. A heck of a lot handsomer than that guy my parents wanted me to mate with. And those neanderthal fellows killed the thing with their flint-tipped spears!! Oh, I'm all fluttery now.
Then the handsome one handed me his business card . Wow, they're pretty advanced. It said something like:

Large Cave Close to northern coniferous forest.

Then, I returned to my stupid cave with my cro-magnon "friends." *shudder* I hate my life.