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Saturday, April 3, 2010

I am a shaman!

March 25, 30,000 BC


Today Geoffrey and I arrived at the aforementioned neanderthal cave, and boy, do I have a story to tell!!!


So Geoffrey and I wandered through forests, sands, steppe, etc to get here. I mostly just went west of the steppe I had been hunting on in my first entry, but I didn't find it before I had a wild encounter with a mammoth! Oh, great.
So, I had nearly made it through the sagebrush, when Geoffrey started acting up.
"Quit being a drama queen, Geoffrey," I said, but he just made more bear noises.
"You want some food?" I said irritably. "Here, take this squirrel meat. Oh, come on - just---- ohh... holy..."
I then realized that before us stood a big mighty mammoth matriarch.
"Hey there, lady," I said, offering her some grass. I gestured for Geoffrey to get moving while I distracted the mammoth. Geoffrey got the message, and lumbered to the west as I jumped around like an idiot, making shamanesque hooping noises. I threw the grass at the mammoth's trunk, and she caught it with incredible eye-trunk coordination.
"My lady, you look very fine today, but I'm afraid I must... DEPART!!!" I went running as fast as my akward legs could carry me across the steppe... until I reached a hill where my dear Geoffrey was waiting for me.
"Oh, Geoffrey!" I cried, embracing the cub. "Now, where's that caa...."
"You, girl," called some neanderthal woman, descending a hill. Her long, windblown matted hair framed her face like some sort of spirit. "I am Ungi. You shaman. You help. You make medicine woman. Noises you make - good noises."
I'm not certain, but I think she was referring to that horrible hooping and hollering I was making when I was distracting the mammoth.
"Cave Bear. Why you have bear?" She continued.
"I have bear because... He.. uh... follow me in forest." I answered, hoping Geoffrey wouldn't try to rip her flesh off.
"I take you to cave. We give bear food. We make you shaman. We make bear shaman. You eat."
So the neanderthal woman took me to her cave, which was a pretty good distance away. But it was worth it, because there I saw the same neanderthal guys who had saved me from the cave lion. My quest was over!
"Uh... I better keep Geoffrey outside..." I said, taking some sinew out of my horseskin bag.
"No. Bear shaman. Bear go in cave. You have shaman innitiation."
The shaman innitiation was... interesting.. They put a hood on my head with antlers, made me take my clothes off and covered me in ochre. Then, that night we had mammoth meat and Geoffrey and I got first pick. Ya know... I could get used to this!!

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